I know you envy me for being a corn pone.

This morning we went out to lift our legs, then we watched the corn grow.

And what to our wandering eyes should appear? BAMBI!

The spotted kind. Right up to the fence staring at us. So Merlin, given his superior American Mutt Mix intelligence said "be very quiet. Tender, fresh dripping deer arse". So we waited like canid lawn ornaments. Bambi tried to jump the fence into our pavlovian jowls - YES!

Then bigfat comes out yelling "come and get your diamond in the green bag boys".

Hi Ya'll - LuLu the Explorer Bitch Here!

Ferki took me campin' dis weekend. (as you all know) We had lotsa fun. There wuz a show at the campground (or vice versa, I think), but I had no time for that. The ground smelled sooooo good! Even the judge commented on how good I wuz at sniffin' the dirt. I sniffed when I ran, I sniffed when I stood still, Hell! I sniffed every inch of that ring.... Yeah!

I didn't have to git any stupid ribbons or my picture taken or nuffin! This seems to have upset Ferki though... Next time, the judge said she should put some VICK's on my nose. This sounds like fun... I don't know anydogs named Vick but what-the-hell.

After the show on Friday, the sky FELL down on us for a while... I mostly slept, badbrindle kinda tried to run around in circles in the bigtanbox. She is weird. We got to goof off at night when everyone was sleepin'. That wuz fun too! Ice cubees wuz falling on the ground. They tasted good, but Ferki didn't care for them too much. Sumtin' about them being able to break the windsheild or sumtin. Then lotsa big lighting bolts fell outta the sky. This upset bikerbitch she wuz runnin' around in circles too. Like mommie like puppy I guess.

Banner stopped by to visit, he smelled good. I sniffed him for a while too. Except when Ferki kinda grabbed him away for a while. Then he got to sniff me! I don't know what was really going on but he started to dance for a little while and then he walked around kinda funny for a while and then he just kinda laid their and panted for a while.

I found this very STRANGE. Everyone got all weird about this.... Bikerbitch wuz takin pitchers, Ferki wuz all upset that banner wuz dancin' around so much he shot her in her EYE.... Ferki had to wash her face and shout out a string of obscenities. All I can say is BAD BANNER! Stay out of Ferki's eye!

Anyway, I likes goin' campin! If Vick will join us next time... Ferki says we is gonna go to Oh-way-go next time. Cool.

Ferki is gonna be a 'puter hog till Thursday... So I will talk to you dogs in a few days.... Ferki will have her pitchers by then! ;-)

I's roasting here today. It's finally cooled down to 85 degrees in da shade. I ain't moving da thermo-meter out into da sun to find out how hot it is dere.

It's so hot & muggy, my balls is dragging behind meeeeee. (Want a new pic Bwuno?)

Cookie is starting to smell good.

I's still eating... but I's keepin' an eye on her. A little sniff and a nudge every now and den.

SillyYellowFetching dog has been in da pond, but it's too far of a walk for us wastiffs.

Yesterday in da heat daddy FINALLY hooked up da ice maker in da fridge (4 days shy of a year since we've been here, no hurry megalo - you freakin' bastard) so we's got ice cubies floating in our water bowl today and a few here and dere to crunch on.

Sweet, adorable Lulu thought it would be a neat trick to chew off da water line dat feeds da water to da ice box door. So now when we push da lever water squirts us on our toeses instead of our noses. Ferki is gonna call Amana and try and get a new one. Megalo would try to fix it himself but somehow it would involve a big block chevy motor and 60 feet of copper tubing.

My bitches are all stretched out all over da place. Cookie's sitting in da kitchen wiff her butt firmly planted in da corner for some reason. As soon as she stands up I'll try to wear her like a hat again.

what? you think only leg deficients can be people? while it's true only twoleggeds or plegics can be human, i believe my fourleggedness doesn't exclude me from personhood. you'll notice the lesser definitions of "people" do NOT stipulate being human but rather having personage. which i do.

I goed TO da shoe today but I didn't go IN da shoe. I was acting too sneaky/scaredycatty and mommycarrie didn't want to risk me growlin at da judge an gettin kickedoutforever or sumpin, so we stayed outta da ring.

instead I walked around all all all day eatin frenchiefries an hamburglers an hotdoggies an livers an pupperonis an sausages an an an.... oh doG I musta gained 10 poundages today.... so anyways I is happy to report dat 2leggeds aren't so scary as long as dey is armed wif yummies. I walked right up to everbuddy to git food. And once a man was talkin to mommy an just reached over an petted me and I didn't even care and then I realized, OH, I forgot I was scared! so then I was scared again.

after da shoe mommy took me to see da ladyjudge we were s'pose ta shoe to. da ladyjudge gived me food and touched me all over an told mommycarrie she completely understands what I is going thru, an bring me backplease when I is not scared because I is SO hansum. Ladyjudge told me "Remember my smell, puppy, cuz you'll see me aginn."

so... what else... oh! I got filmed by telly-vision camera guys. don't know if I'll make da news or not though. Oh! and a 2 1/2 pound Yorkiebitch sat on my head. (Jealous, badpoo??)

Oh! (long day today...) mommycarrie got best veteran and bestofoppositesex wif a WUT-DA-FUH-IZ-DAT dog... looks like a dirty mop to me, see pic attached. It was funny when mommycarrie made a funnyface and said "Do I hafta TOUCH him???" But den she ended up pettin' and lovin' him almost as bad as Docholiday. Yuck.

So... dat was my long day at da shoe.

sigh. yet another atrocity springs from the fertile minds of twoleggeds in their assault against the murf murf's noble breed. no altruistic intent here, but rather a means of insuring twoleggeds can have exactly what they want and cementing enhoffers' status as enslaved commodities. no longer will the wastiff be trusted to produce in kind with natural variations on their theme; no more humping, jolly rogering, SEX SEX SEX, etc.  isn't it bad enough penile penetration has been reduced via unnatural injection methods involving syringes? the time to kill all the twoleggeds is long overdue.

by smurf en hoffer