jpg, you loser jpg, you
wastiffia poetica

for the pikers
i'll drive the stakes,
you steal the power from the place just down the way.
freezing by the fire for hours and hours while wishin money had you,
play piker songs all night long for me, only for me.

our tent is a very, very fine tent with big rats in the yard,
life always is so hard, when everything you own sits in a tent,
la, la, la...



my ASS is BLACK.
can't take BLACK?
smell my CRACK


by gracejones!

bite bite chase carry ohmygodcaaaaats
evil rats are never fat.

by auntiesofty with wastiff inspiration

nap nap napping
not much better in life
then eating and crapping..

just like a cat in the sun
my eyes slowly close
and I come undone

my head starts to tilt away from the light
then falls forward ever so slight
till it hits my chest zzzzzzz ZZZZZZZZZ
in pure delight.

I drool from the left
I drool to the right
damn I've sprung a leak
oh what a disgusting sight..

I awake with a jolt
on my key board face down
to notice the letters a cross
my face make a note with a frown..

thank goodness no one is looking
they've all gone to town
I think to my self this is my chance
as I put on my night gown..

I look at the clock it's a quarter to three
as I jump into bed and pull the comforter
over meeeeeeeeeeee
this is my chance to get a lil more nap
just a few more zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
or about forty (thousand) more winks pleaseeeee..

by the duchess of armadillo

meat meat wonderful meat
drips down my chin to land on my feet.
how did i ever survive without brisket?
my tummy is full, will new mommy miss it?


she gave it to me with pats and with smiles
she gives me luvvins and toys in large piles
i wonder if this time i'll be here for good
i hope so. i'm loving this wonderful food.

by the duchess of armadillo

pills in my cheese, pills in my toast
pills in my tummy, i hate those the most

good drchristy says i am not healthy
doesn't she know i am suddenly wealthy?

no bruises no ouchies no wanderings
a bed
shelter and water and a roof for my head
i don't know what i did to be bad
i'm glad doG gave me a new mom and dad

On Murf's Birffday

You don't like me.
You don't hafta.
But I'm shoutin'-out,
To da Great Heahaftah.....

Cuz today is your Birffday,
MurfMurf ol' friend!
An' from such beginnin's,
There's never no end.

So: HA HA HA HA!!!
You thought you was free,
From da likes of Bwuno an' Loki an' Meeeee......

But nope - nothin' doin',
We'll never forget
Our good pal Murf,
Who is livin' on yet......

In our minds an' our hearts
An' da WastiffList!
An' don't be pissed.......

An' say "Hi" to daKing,
An' to all of our Pals,
Who left here before us,
To find better hals.

An' have some BirffdayLint for us,
An' say hey to Jimbo,
On his bigbluebus,

An' Emily, Albert, George an' John.....
Oh, I could yammer on an' on............
I always have, an' always will,
An' I'll remember you until......

Da Universes all collide,
An' TeddyNugent drinks cyanide,
An' no more sadness generally,
An' I hope you'll still be Pals with MEEEE!!!!

HappyBirffdayMurfMurf!!! Ayuh.
Ozzy Rules - Amen.
Ruv, Your Pal, Keeper (an' Samson!)

by smurf en hoffer

the lady wastiff from nantucket
whose cooter oozed ooze by the bucket,
she screamed, in her heat,
"please give me some meat!"
nay, madam, i'd rather you sucked it.

my weiner
by smurf en hoffer

behold the murf murf's weiner,
and be holdin' it, you neener.
proudly it dangles with its balls that jangle,
a jismic pearl in a neat little swirl,
precedes the next stream of urine.