well, by now you all know the murf murf is gone, so bury the murf murf ass up.  you know what to do next...starting with ERT.  the murf murf is sending instructions for the murf murf's wake so you don't fuck it up.

the murf murf is channeling through auntie softy as there is nothing in her brain to get in the murf murf's way.  matter of fact, she is a damn good channeler.  all these years, she thought the voices in her head were schizophrenia, but the murf murf explained to her that part of it was the wind (it blows through one side and out the other, and can, at times, make whispering noises), but the rest of the voices are messages coming through, and from now on, she is to ignore them and listen only to the murf murf.  she has done real well except for the chocolate ice cream the murf murf wanted her to deliver to badpoo.  for some reason she has a block in her brain against this, but the murf murf will work on it...evil needs a cream rinse...hehehe...

ok, said wake kit contains 1 bottle of rum - the murf murf wanted 151, but softy's brain got stuck on the pretty shark pictures, so she bought it for evil to put flowers in or some shit when it is empty).  the murf murf does not pretend to understand the human female mind.  the murf murf just likes to get inside it and rub its tittiesplease from the inside out.  speaking of 12 titties, please tell the other wastiffs to make it their lifelong search as the murf murf has.  the murf murf finally found it, beginning with the hot winged-wastiff chicks that picked the murf murf up at midnight from the red house, then every bitch the murf murf has seen/sniffed on the other side of that bridge.  guess what they all have in common???? 12 FREAKING TITTIESPLEASE.  now the murf murf calls this heaven.

also tell bad that he is not as high on the evolutionary scale as he thought he was.  as a matter of fact, he is very much mistaken in his philosophy that poos are above wastiffs, above humans and damn near godlike.  hahahahahahaha. every time the murf murf thinks of him telling the murf murf that, and the murf murf sees where he really is on that scale, the murf murf has to roll on the ground in laughter.  it sure will be a rude awakening for him when he gets here.  it will for you silly twolegs also.

wastiffs, the murf murf must say, are quite high on the scale, much higher than even the murf murf was ever aware, although the murf murf was always pretty confident in our higher intelligence; it was just so obvious.

the murf murf has asked for the date of bad's arrival so that the murf murf can get a picture of his face when he sees where he is on that scale. hahahaha.  unfortunately, the murf murf has a long wait, but on the other hand, that is why they call it heaven...NO fucking badpoo.

Ok, so back to the wake.  there is a bottle of coke to go with the rum because that is the way auntie lushy Lanka and the murf murf liked it.  the murf murf told softy that hairy would only have Pepsi with his, with thoughts of that Spears chick dancing through his head the whole time; he is a man after the murf murf's own heart. 

the murf murf must say here how much the murf murf loves and appreciates hairy and evil both for their constant love and care of the murf murf, but if you ever repeat this, the murf murf will, of course, deny it and say that channeling is imperfect at best and that auntie softy has a lot of brain damage.  she was a child of the 60's and 70's, you know?  Man, the cob webs in here are deep; some of these doors even the murf murf is afraid to open.  this chick has problems...  So if you dare tell anyone about the times in this note that the murf murf might slip up and actually say things like "the murf murf loves you" and "the murf murf loved his pack," the murf murf will vehemently deny it.

back to the box.  ERT is NOT NOT NOT invited to the murf murf's wake, but the murf murf knows you both so well already that the murf murf knows you will have him there...blah blah he is part of the family...blah blah gag.  So if the lil bastard has to come, he must wear the day of the dead suit we found him, mask and all, so that no one would think the murf murf would invite that thing to his wake.

good and bad are both invited, but the murf murf will deny this also if asked, so they must wear the fake noses.

the murf murf knows he must tell you everything step by step; twoleggeds can be so frustrating at times...  The blow outs are to tease digby and the others with. UMMM, you blow through the end right in their faces (DUH...  twoleggeds). The streamer, the murf murf is sure evil will figure out on her own, as well as the honey bear, and a good use for the candy.  the bags are to put the goodies in for everyone, from the treats to the toys.  The gummy worms are for all, my pack, with a toast to you all as you sip my luscious rum and coke: over the lips and through the gums, look out bladder, here it comes.  may the only worms you ever have from now on be gummy, my brothers.

Be sure to light lots of candles.  the murf murf always liked the flicker they made, and if it is a nice day, blow some bubbles for the murf murf, too, and if you want to get a lil crazy, go launch a smurf en hoffer rocket for the murf murf as well...the murf murf has softy looking all over for a stick of dynamite to send also, but she has not been able to find one? Maybe Hairy can find one??? the murf murf wants you to have one because the murf murf hears that bert plans on living much longer than the murf murf did to pass the murf murf's record, and if he does, the murf murf wants you to shove that TNT up his ass, light it and blow him the fuck to the other side.

well, that is about it for now.  the murf murf has 12 titties calling and the strength and energy of a puppy again...AIN'T DEATH GRAND :)) it's fuckinghumpalishiousasskickingfun here, so do not be sad for the murf murf; the murf murf runs like the wind and dumps in the softest, greenest of grass and pisses on the tallest of trees.  everywhere you sniff is a new smell, all the sweet smell of wastiffgirls in heat, so for now try not to miss the murf murf too much even though the murf murf knows the murf murf was your world 24/7.  the murf murf is having a great time with Elvis and Champ.  they picked me up at the bridge, and it has been a non stop party ever since...  OK, OK, CHAMP, GEE WHIZ, he wants to send his love to Karen and all his kids.  what a PUSSY: still being henpecked beyond the grave.  uncle murf murf sends his love to those sweet young girls of his, too...just ripe for the pickin...hehehehe...

Well, as you can see, there is no need to worry about the murf murf at all. the murf murf is a kid again at heart as well as in body.  the murf murf is freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

yours truly-
the everlasting, the great,
the one, the only
smurf en hoffer